Indulgences of Modern Day Living

Wet plaster placed over your body as you lay down on a metal table similar to the ones seen when you take your pet to the local veterinarian. Feeling the plaster oozing and slithering through your exterior, you say your farewells to who you were. The plaster feels wet and slimy and it disgust you but afterall, the product is worth the pain. Body unseen by a thick layer of plaster; two holes punctured for breathing purposes. Your body encased in a layer of plaster, hardening every second that passes since the contract was signed. He looks through magazines, newspaper, TV ads, and anything else he can find to create your perfect image. The process has begun. Close your eyes and begin to dream of self-destruction.

You weren't pleased with how the Higher Power created you, so you flipped through ads until you found one that caught your eye. "Become a stronger, more attractive machine based on society's standards!" You attended the office and signed over your dignity. Your signature is the indulgence to become another product of man. A smile emerging across your soft skinned face. A cherry picked harvest across your checks from blushing over how magnificent you are going to look.

You sit in the lobby of the waiting room. You slowly and carefully glance around the room patient enough to not be detected. To your left is a man of colored skin hiding underneath his white blazer. To your right is a woman with a chest resembling a piece of flat construction paper. She looks through magazine as blue tears run down her face. You look her directly in the eyes, lean over, and say "Excuse me, why do you shred blue tears?" She shifts her head to the left and wipes away her tears leaving a smudge of blue running across her cheek. "I don't look like these doll-looking women in the magazines, so I'm here to sign off my purity."

A nurse emerges from the door marked "Machines in Progress" and she holds a glass clipboard with several papers attached. Her lips begin to move. "Next up is Teenage Girl Insecurities, is she present?" The girl you were just talking to stands up and recite "I am Teen Girl Insecurities. Make me new, please". The girl walks up to the nurse and they both disappear through the door.

As you lay waiting to harden, you recall the young girl and think about how she is doing. Trying to move your lips, you finally release a faint enough voice to be heard. "Excuse me, how is the girl doing who was insecure with her body?" Silence follows your question. One minute later, a dark and scratchy voice speaks. "Well, after leaving here she walked the streets proudly with her new chest. Males were driven to her chest rather than her personality, therefore never finding real love. It also says here in this document that she received an infection from the surgery and she is back here getting a larger chest." You barely have any moment in your entire body and you begin to wonder how nothing he said makes sense. You gasp before speaking and say, "Doesn't she realize that her infection is going to kill her? Why get a bigger chest?" The man is near you, you can feel his warm breath entering the hole in the plaster for the nostrils. "Who needs life when you can look better than you did before and attract more attention?"

He grabs his paint cans and body models and gets to work. He sketches your perfect features across the plaster that will become your face. He chips away the plaster that is going to become your perfect hips. He carves the plaster that is going to become your perfect breast. He slides his paint brush made out wires over your body to what is going to become your perfect fashion. You hear scissors cut away magazines into thin strips. He gathers all the magazine strips and places them on the plaster to which is going to become your perfect hairstyle. He melts down your mother's wedding ring and with pours the melted gold over the plaster that will become your perfect tan. He leans forward next to your almost ready perfection and whispers " Don't worry darling, your new look will be worth your life."

Six hours have passed and you awake from the process. You look around and you see the remains of everything that has been to you. You stand up from the working table and you see him standing over a sink and washing his hands. You walk over, place your perfect hand on his shoulder and move your perfect glossy lips. "Is there a mirror here so i can see what I look like?" and he turns around and smiles. "Of course. Trust me, you are going to love your new self." He begins walking over to a room, slides in a metallic key into the door knob and pushes the door open. He extends his arm into the room, and looks at you with achievement written across his face. "Enjoy."

You walk into the room and there is a giant mirror in the center. You walk over and you admire. You admire your new features, clothes, chest, hips, hair, and everything else that was slightly not up to date with society. You turn around and smile and repeat. Turn. Smile. Admire. Repeat. After five minutes of pure admiration, you begin getting confuse. It hits you like a train derailing and ramming into your family room.

You run over to the gentlemen with eagerness and fear. "Who am I? I can't remember who I am. Where am I? I can't remember where I live. Where is my heart? I can't feel my heart beating anymore inside of my chest." He looks at you with a straight face and begins laughing. He laughs and laughs while you stand there confused as if you were fire getting laughed at by water. "Oh honey, you have no name. You have no home. You have no heart. Oh baby, you aren't anyone anymore, you are the simply the glamour of every dream." You begin to have a panic attack and start yelling at the man that made your fashionable self. "No! I don't want to be perfect. I just wanted to be pretty. I just wanted to be accepted. I just wanted to be admired. I want my life back. I want my heart back and my hope and my emotions!"

The man paces from side to side trying to conjure how to explain everything to you. He stands in front of you with no longer a smile across his face, with no laughter in the air. "Listen, you wanted to be perfect and I made changed everything about you to make you that way. When one is perfect, one doesn't need life. When one is complete on the outside, one loses everything on the inside. I'm sorry to break it to you but there is no turning back. Now excuse me, I have other customers to attend."

He grabs his jacket and looks back at you with a sense of pity. He opens the front door and just like the nurse, disappears into the abyss that is the hall way. you look around the room. You look under the table, in the sink, everywhere you can think of. You look in the trash can and inside lies a glass jar. You reach your perfect arm into the trash can and grab and remove the mysterious jar.

You look inside the jar and your perfect jaw drops. You m0ve back in astonishment. Inside the jar, you see your old self floating around in a liquid. The murky liquid is all your dreams pressed together. Inside you see your future. Inside this jar you see your normal life even with your flaws, you see your normal life being happier than the one you will lead with your perfect figure.

The door opens and he rushes in and runs towards you. He snatches the jar out of your hands. He throws it up in the air and you watch it drive down to the ground. It shatters. Everything, is gone and destroyed. He looks at you and smiles "I forget to get rid of the jar before i left. Have a pleasant day. "

You look at him and observe him trying to figure out who did this to you. His footsteps are 20th century suicide bombers killing thousands. His eyes are innocent girls being raped every year. His hair strands are 20 murders on the evening news. His lungs are millions of factories producing the richest form of pollution. His hands are drunk drivers ruining lives. His arms are the highest rate of divorce in marriages. His legs are hatred in families and amongst friends. His fingers are morals being destroyed by money.

You look over at his nametag that was right in front of you all along. His name is Humanity and he is becoming a disgrace to us all.

Signals Fading Over Gray Skies

He presses the buttons on his cell phone in a symmetrical form. Pacing back and forth, he carefully listens to the ring echoing through the busy street surrounding him. No answer. He counts four rings until he decides to close his phone and try again in 45 minutes. He aimlessly begins walking slower than he was when he left his apartment.

He is eager, he is waiting. A mixture of city taxi cabs, buses, and regular cars overflows the streets. The pollution from each motor vehicle is rising and rising into the blue sky, fixing it with a grayish tint. There is a foul smell in the air from the sewers and the build up of urine dripping down the side of business offices. Crowds after crowds walk on these streets each with their own individual purpose and mission. They walk holding their brief cases, baby strollers, newspapers, and other common items visible to the naked eye. A melting pot of intentions each laced with a personal touch. The hour is noon and the air is thick with fear.

Door swings open. It hits the aged wall perpendicular to it, chipping away enough paint to inflict lead poisoning. He drops his briefcase next to a brand new coat hanger bought two weeks ago after the old one was flown out the window. The apartment is well kept with little usage. A Sony television sits on a dinning table with it's screen shattered in the middle. The man paces from each window and pressing his face against the glass. He looks to his left. He looks to his right. No one is watching him. He shuts the blinds to have it completely opaque. Running over to his answering machine, he presses the "play" button, only to hear "No new messages" repeated twice by a robotic sounding woman. It has been six weeks and no one has shown up, no one has come to send him back. He sits down on his stolen sofa he found on the backside of a nearby furniture store. He lays backs and tilts his head backwards so he is looking straight up at his decaying ceiling.

He worries about being caught and punished far more than he was before. They titled it as one of the most respected and well trained facilities, yet he found himself gotten beaten three times a day. The wounds across his back are starting to heal. The flesh is still worn out and abused but it's far better than it was when it occurred. He closes his eyes and he tries relaxing. He tells himself he isn't crazy. He tells himself that everything is going to be ok.

Voices are pouring from the walls. Loud and motivated, the voices are getting louder and louder. He looks around, shaking his head trying to tract where the voices are coming from. Not again. He shifts to his right and grabs a knitted pillow over his entire face trying to block on the voices. First it was voices, now he hears footsteps. They start out soft as if they were mice running around in his apartment. They are getting louder. They are pound on the stairs as if thunder itself was rushing to his door. He clenches his teeth. He grips the pillow so tight, his nails start digging into the palm of his hand. Block the noises. Forget the shattering voices pouring from every direction. As he feels blood running down his palm from his nails digging in too deep, the voices and the footsteps stop. He releases the pillow. He sits calmly in the sofa happy that it has stopped.

Two knocks back to back are pounding against his door. He stares at the door with discomfort. Four knocks pound against the wood grains placed together to form his front door. The door knob is moving. The door knob shakes from side to side as if someone was trying to break in. The only thing running through his mind is, "They're here".

Distractions & Self-Improvement

So I'm sitting in my room, somewhat watching mainstream television. My backpack is too my left. It hasn't been moved in a couple days for the simple fact that I have missed three days of school. Before you get outraged and start assuming I'm some juvenile delinquent that skips school, I have my reasons. I've been sick and to be honest, I'm kind of glad. I haven't been sick in the longest time and I was beginning to worry. I should be back in school tomorrow. Next to my bed is a huge stack of National Geographic magazines. I read them sometimes (when I'm not reading my book); interesting and informative articles. I decided an hour ago to somewhat clean my room, only to have it appealing to my mom.

I have an interview with Darkest Hour tomorrow and I'm excited. I haven't been to a decent show in some time and tomorrow night should be fun. I haven't come up with the questions as yet. I plan on taking some time out of my night and doing some research on the band, reading old interviews, and gathering as much information as I can. After the research, I'll come up with questions. It should be a good time unless crack addicts ask me for money like last time.

Do you remember? Remember all the chaos prior to news years of 2000. Imagine if the speculation was true. Imagine all the predictions were accurate. Imagine if you can't get on the computer and couldn't sign in to your precious myspace. Imagine if you aren't able to use your microwave to heat up your delicious hot pocket. Imagine for a second if chaos did break out and every computer in the world shut down and technology was back at zero. I'm sure some of you would think of a life without technology to be impossible. I'm sure some of you would cry and cry for days about you having to use pencil and paper again. Imagine your life without materialism.

We as a generation that is too focus on materialism and technology. Every part of the day is filled with computers used in one way or another. We have forgotten the true nature of life and the simple essence of what Mother Nature has offered us. When was the last time you sat under a maple tree and just looked at the sun and enjoyed the warm breeze pressing against your chest? When was the last time you went for a walk without an ipod or cell phone and truly enjoyed the walk through nature? We have mistaken materialism and technology for nature and the important things in life.

As bas as this sounds, I enjoyed the times when hurricanes or thunder storms would knock out the power in my house and others. It sounds horrible, it really does. I remember sitting in the family room with my family. All sitting and gathered together in the dark. Someone wasn't able to stand up and watch their favorite show. Someone wasn't able to get up and check their e-mail. We would talk. We would tell stories. We would laugh. We would share thoughts. We were gathered together and enjoying each other's company. Without any technology or electricity, you are able to see the important things in life.

All of the materialistic items we glorify are distractions. They distract us from our families, our friends, our dreams, our pure desires. How many times have I sat in front of the computer and wasted hours of my day simply to talk to friends through typing. I hate it. I hate how I waste so much time in front of the damn computer. I hate it has taken over my life and I'm sick of it. I know I'm on the computer right now typing this, so disregarded that for now. I'm sick of being distracted by worthless crap that doesn't matter. None of those conversations are going to matter. If I want to talk to someone, I can jump in my car and go see them. Lately I have been trying to spend less time on the computer and more time doing more valuable things. I have been reading book after book for a while now and it feels great. Instead of talking online, instead of watching worthless trash on the television set, I pick up a book and read it as if it was a movie playing in my head.

Pick up a book. Sit down with your family. Go visit your friends. Stay away from the computer. Radiation is bad and distractions are even worse. Go learn something. Go listen to some music. Go write something. Do something instead of wasting countless hours on the computer or watching TV (besides LOST, watching LOST is ok with me). I promise you, if you rid yourself of distractions for a week, you will feel refresh. If you get rid of the things that don't matter, you will feel brand new and you will have a smile across your face. Trust me on this.

Get rid of it. Try something new. Enjoy life without distractions. Realize how great you feel afterwards.

A Glorious Destruction

Step back and watch. I’m not asking you to conform to any sudden chances, I’m simply asking for a couple minutes of your over dramatic lives.

Thinking. Organizing. Without motive, we act on our actions and we end up creating something so destructive that not even the creator can shut down. Overlapping with suggestions and opinions of others; nothing matters and everything is released. A strike of the match. A pull of the trigger. A building with flames encasing every square of every room. A body dropping for dead in a dirt covered room with only guilt as a neighbor. It sounds so perfect and so everlasting when we strike that last match, when we pull that last trigger. We are glorious as we watch the flames touching the very essence of the sky we mistaken for bank accounts. But wait, the ashes are blowing in the cold air and we can’t find a reason for our destruction. A step back. Fear. The very glorious man standing before his creation is being attacked from every corner by fear and confusion.

He looks left. He looks right. No one is in sight. He looks upon himself and whispers “If I start running now, I could escape their judgment.” He runs for years and years but the thought of those burning flames grip his mind. He chokes on the thought of being destructive. He suffocates on his past.

We don’t think. We act on impulses and expect the result to be achieving. We strive to be something worth bragging about but in a split second, our lives are ruined and destroyed. Who is to blame for this ruins? Point the finger at yourself. Point the accusations at yourself. You cannot run through life striking matches and pulling triggers and expect there to be no consequences. Everything in life has an “cause and effect” system. What you do in the next five minutes will influence what occurs in the next hour of your life, the next day of your life, and so on. With an ounce of can avoid those moments when we feel guilt running inside of our minds running back and forth. Not saying that you will never encounter a result that isn’t going to be pleasant. I assure you, there will be days when it feels like everyone is out to get you. You will have days that makes you think about jumping from that downtown bridge you drive through so many times. All I speak of is to think, to organizing your thoughts in a structure matter and makes intelligent choices. Stop acting without thought and doing as you please. Stop running through the town and spreading gasoline in every shop and striking a match and not think of the burning buildings to follow.

Think and understand. Comprehend your mistakes and take them for what they are. We make mistakes simply to learn from them. Our mistakes are lessons in disguised to teach us something we haven’t been taught in the classroom. Take responsibility for your actions and mistakes. If you do something that is highly disregarded by society, than deal with it. You make your choices and you will suffer your consequences. Respect your mistakes and learn. Stop being so blind and think that your mistakes are an act of stupidity. It is true, sometimes stupidity is the cause of our mistakes but stop disregarding every mistakes and study them in essence.

Step foward. Stand your ground. I think one of the biggest problems with this generation is the lack of pride. You don't stand up for something you believe in simply because you worry about other's criticism. Stop. Change your rituals. For every word coming out of your mouth, you will be criticism. For every shirt you throw on your back, people will find something wrong with it. It is impossible to please everyone. The only person you have to please is yourself and God. If you feel strong about something inside of your heart, than step forward and go through with it. Stop caring what people say. Push aside all the remarks and insults and realize that they don't matter. Their words and reasons for bring you down don't appeal to you and never will. Yes, they may hurt in the moment but trust me, in the end, everything will work out. You need to find hope in yourself and believe that everything is going to be ok even though some people might not agree.

Stand your ground.
Stand up. Fight.
Never back down.