Plastic Uniforms & Ringing Handbags

Do you hear it? Steel rubbing against your soften clay. Grinding and marking every few inches. Do you feel it? A vibration surrounding your aura which shatters your conscious. Shaking and trembling your very existence. Measure your life in dollar bills and attempts to fertilizing a new brand you. Grab the test tubes. Measure and calculate the volume of metal slavery. Pour into a flask with "Human" written across it in gold. Now pour 2 mL of every time you've changed your appearance. Shake, invert, repeat. Congratulations, you've just created a copy of the current definition of a female.

Female. The opposite of male in many aspects but similar in other. Associations are placed upon females as being weak and inferior to man. Females are claimed to being sensitive and deceiving. How many of these associations are true? I feel myself equal to a female and think that she is capable everything that I am (except urinating standing up). Manipulation? Of course they are, but aren't humans manipulative? Some of us are better of controlling others with words and mind control better than others.

I'm pretty sick of the typical female in my generation. Drinking and sleeping with guys they can barely describe to a police sketcher. Changing their appearance to the current trend. Turning their backs on their friends and taking their "man". It's all the same and the more girls I encounter, the more I feel like I'm meeting the same girl over and over again. It's a cycle and every few girls, there are ones that are unique and they are different than the rest. My hat is of to you ladies, but to the rest of carbon copy females, I am ashamed.

You complain about when males hurt you and take advantage. Quick question, how intoxicated were you when you were taken advantage? Males will take advantage of girls becuase it has come to the point where males are becoming the trash of the Earth. But many times when you complain about having intercourse with a male (which you regret), it is you that you have to complain about. You make your mistakes so take the credit. Stop blaming everything on others. You decide to get intoxicated at local party, so expect certain things to happen. I hate the things that happen at these parties between males and females but it will always continue to happen.

You are fake and you are plastic. The more you try to impress, the more you will be come like the rest. Tired of not being taken seriously? Than stop giving everyone a reason to think of you as a joke. You purposely act dumb because males think it is "cute". Breaking news. Males do not think it is cute but they like it simply because the dumber you act, the better chance they have of getting some with you.

I am ashamed of being associated with these males that treat females like trash. It makes me sick and it makes me upset. It's life right? I can't go around changing males to think the way I do because it will be an impossible task. But merely I hope I find that right girl and treat her the best way I can treat her. I hope to find that girl that I can care about and let her know how much she means to me. I hope to find that girl that has been hurt by so many guys and I'll show her how it really is to be loved.

For the plastic girls, get a grip of yourself. How do you expect others to expect you when you have no respect for yourself and/or your body? Your mind is destruction towards your self being. Stop being so easy for males to take advantage. Take responsibility of your life. The more you fit the stereotype of the female, the more you make me want to vomit. You and you're language that involves "oh my god's" and "Did you hear about her?" Stop gossiping. You have your own life that is shit to take off instead of talking about other's mistakes.

For the girls out there that aren't like the females I have talked about, congratulations. You are unique and you stand strong. Never back down, never change. Stay true to yourself and keep the respect you have made for yourself. Cheers to you.

A Defense Mechanism

**I dont usually express my feelings in plain view, here is a rare moment. You won't find many metaphors or literary devices here. Just me being honest and typing about what I feel this moment.


Today was an excuse for people to go out drinking. My mother told me that she didn't think I should go out b/c of the amount of drunk drivers (or as so she thinks). I told her that she didn't have to worry. She told me I got in a car accident when I went out, she would hit me. And for my mother to tell me that makes me feel wonderful. I understand the danger of drunk drivers vs. a sober driver. I understand I must be careful. I understand the concern but the remark was not necessary.

A few minutes later perhaps, my dad comes home with food. On a sidenote, my mother asked me to complete a task and I told her I would do it. Well I didn't do it the minute she suggested so she got upset. Than my brother decided to make a comment about how I never do anything I'm told. Apparently he knows me so well. As I recall, I do everything I'm told. So we exchanged words and argued for a little bit.

Skip forward. Go to hang out with some friends. Go see a movie which some other friends. I saw V for Vendetta which I must add, was incredible. So many hidden meanings. Anyways, I get home around 12 which my mom considers late but I was responsible and I called her to let her know I was going to be home late due to the movie. I come home. I recite a "hello" to my mother, do I get one in return? No. Instaed I get her telling me that from now on, I am not allowed to be home later than 11:30. I told her "Alright, I'll be home on time next time". She kept going. She kept going on how I'm only 17 years old and I shouldnt act the way I do. I was confused, I just took what she said, told her I was going to be on home on time and left it at that. What did I do? She keeps going. I tell her in a nice voice, "I don't want to argue. I'll be home at 11:30 next time." She keeps going. I repeat myself. And than she goes on about all these things.

So now I am in my room. Studying my thoughts and observing my surroundings. I've had so much on my mind, with school, girls, magazine, family, sudan, and everything in between. I feel so limited. I feel so held back. I hate limitations and I cant stand the state of society. I am so sick of these false emotions I see all around me. I look around me and I see these fake smiles and these fake plastic hearts. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being thinking they know how I feel. I'm sick of people thinking they know who I am. I assure you, no matter how many years you have known me, you have no idea what goes in my head. I wish I could explain the feelings and thoughts and theories that go on inside of my head but I can't. It hurts me to know that my parents think I'm so bad. I know they dont think im horrible but the way my mom talked to me, I felt pretty low. I do not drink. I do not smoke. I'm a virgin and I love everyone with all my heart. I make my mistakes. I am human. I feel pain. I am human. I am human and I will continue to be human.

I've decided im going to work towards doing as much as possible to help the cause in Sudan. I am so sick of not doing anything and living my life normally while others are dying. There are so many people suffering in these world yet we manage to complain about little things. You may say this blog entry is me complain, I disagree on some aspects. I might sound like I'm complaining but I'm just writing down what is in my head. My thoughts are scatter so this blog entry is scattered.

I'm sorry if I ever came off as mean or not caring or those other negative labels we place on others. I love each and every one of you and you guys are always in my heart. I rarely talk about my feelings, I rarely talk about my personal life but here I am doing it. I do not know why, maybe there is a purpose behind this or maybe there is nothing. All I know is that I am blessed, loved, and cared about but family, friends, and God. All I know that even though today wasnt the greatest, that tomorrow will be a brighter day. I will revolutize. I will be a revolutiary.

If you doubt me, i will prove you wrong. If you dont believe in me, I will believe in you. If you dislike me, I will love you. If you no respect for me, I will praise you.


"

The Greatest War Of All Time

Day One: I want to breathe fire and destroy your inhumanity. I want to rip you apart in seven sections and label them the seven greatest flaws of man. If I had wings, I would grasps my hands around your machine-like body, lift you up towards the heavens and show you all that you are missing. If I had an axe, I would hold it so close to your face that you would taste the cold metal against your lips. A kiss from lips to metal, you would cry and pled and see your life flash in front of your burning retinas. I want you to revolutionize your self being. I want you to rearrange your personal likings of materialistic aspects lacking morality of the conscious.

Day Two: Sound the alarm. I've been walking through abandoned towns and witness hangings. I feel the cold air brush up against my cherry blossom cheeks and my eyes are set for an escape. The town hall has been painted black and my lungs are turning into coal from the burning ashes falling as snow. I walk on the cracked sidewalk and look into the stores with their mannequins dressed in velvet. So elegant yet so casual. As if they witness the greatest massacre of all time but still manage to put a smile on their plastic faces.

Day Three: I keep walking with my bare feet hitting every piece of sharp glass laying vertically from the ground. I make a right and I find myself on the steps the town library. I climb the hundreds of steps and find myself gasping for air by the time I reach the front door. I walk inside and grievance is sinking into my veins. On the shelves, there are no books. On the racks, there are no encyclopedias. There is money though, and in our great society, isn't that more important? The green paper is stacked up nicely on each shelve to replace the pages of knowledge that would soon teach our youth to carry their own weight. Instead of the "fiction" section, I find credit cards to buy overpriced dresses for your high school reunion. Instead of "non-fiction", I find hard earned cash to buy ourselves a one way ticket to become a product of the industry that seek to destroy us. I must leave. My eyes are burning and my heart is becoming smaller and smaller with the lack of morality inside this "library".


Day Four: I begin running. I feel the debris digging into my feet and leaving a nicely painted blood path for the next visitor to follow. The diseases spread all over the town and surprised, no one survived. The virus sunk into their veins and sucked the individuality out of them. It left them bare, without a cause or a place. I run for six blocks and make a left and find myself in the town square. Oh what a horrible scene. Bodies everywhere. There are too many to count even if I had happened to be born with six arms. I begin walking up to each one while trying to grasp enough oxygen in the air but the task is difficult. The factories in the town are still running strong and the pollution is killing my breathing pattern. The bodies are lifeless but their sense of style is rather typical. They wear $300 pair of jeans. They wear $150 blazers to cover up the wounds from the implanted mechanical heart. They wear $100 sunglasses to cover their color-less eyes. I touched one of them, which happened to be a bad idea. I placed my hands on their arm and I fall to the ground. My eye lids automatically shut to cover my burning retinas. Inside of my mind, things began flashing. Big houses. Computers. Money. Credit Cards. Models. Alcohol. Drugs. Insecurities. Selfishness. Betrayal. Murder. As I lay there on the ground covered with bodies, I stand up and I feel my inside turn to stone. The horrid corruption these people suffered. May God help us.


Day Six: Can you feel that? Can you feel your mind encased with false information about how to run your life? I can. I can feel it everyday that I walk. I walked through the town thinking I would find friendly people with great dreams but I was wrong. What I found was corruption inside of hearts and minds. What I found was a town influenced by technology and materialism. What I found was the future of every city in America. Can you hear that? Can you hear the sweet lullabies the industries sing to us as we lay to sleep? I can. I can hear them every night before I go to sleep. I will not fold into the destruction of my conscious mind and set of moral standards. I will fight off the virus, the corruption, and the most importantly, the sad state of society we have encounter. Infiltrate me. Try to break me but I assure you, till the day I die, I will hold strong of my beliefs. To the others still surviving this massacre hitting every city, save yourself. Realize the epidemic that is sneaking and crawling through your television sets and everything else serving as a portal for industry. Be strong. Fight everything coming your away. Grab your armor, grab your guns of knowledge and moral standards, and prepare yourself.

We have been fighting the greatest war of all time and we don't even know it. A war against ourselves, a war against society, and an invisible war with tragedy endings. Hold your love ones tight, hold your children tighter because they are the future soldiers of this war.

Godspeed and let us be victorious.

Freedom With A New Revision

The clock around my wrist stops. Silence invades the room and filtrates through the air vents. The room has an essence of the typical poverty environment. The degrading mildew on the walls peels away the corners of the yellow wallpaper sprinkled with tiny flowers every few inches. The ceiling is stained with water leaking from pipes intertwine between the ceiling itself and the floor above me. Shattered windows leave invitations for the exterior to bring forth the sounds of violence and corruption. Not today; today is different. Today the exterior decided to be just as silent as a singing bird with a severe sore throat.

I am the only living and breathing creature in this room. The chair I am sitting is highly defected but still manages to stand strong. White pieces of paper scatter across the room and change positions every moment a gust of polluted air rolls through the broken windows. I am wearing ripped jeans with a white t-shirt decorated nicely with coffee stains splatter across the front. I haven't slept in days but I haven't met insomnia as yet. Sleep regenerates me but in a time of chaos, the last thing I need are lost hours lying on the floor with my conscious at rest.

How long before the mold on the walls become infectious and kills me? How long before this chair collapses causing me to bombard towards the ground? How long before I realize that my freedom that I have known all along isn't my freedom at all but an illusion created by man?

I am free to leave this room that is eventually going to infiltrate my very existence and mold me into another degrading appeal. The question you should be asking yourself is how am I able to leave this disgusting environment. This room, which easily can be mistaken for the world surrounding me, is so overpowering that many times is assures me that I am at its best interest.

I can open the front door but the minute I step into the hallway, I will be criticized for my characteristics wich are so perfectly flawed. I can escape through the window but the minute I leap upon the grass, I will be stereotype as a burglar and arrested on accounts of wanting to escape my own personal concentration camp.

This room isn't only a mixture of society as its finest but my own creation of healthy living standards. For so long I thought that I was as free to roam the streets and do as I please. For so long I figured that I was superior to animals below me in the chain simply becuase I had this "freedom" everyone speaks of. First of all, we (humans) are more violent beasts than ravage bears but the only difference is that we are able to hide our mistakes and blame others. Secondly, the freedom we claim to have is predetermined by our most respected neighbors. In order to get this far, you have to complete this. If you do this, this will happen to you. There are guidelines already established for our every action we take. Guidelines are necessary bad but it has come to the point where instead of us running our lives, it's others that run it with their standards and negativity and lost hope.

Tie up my legs and my arms and throw me in a rusting jail cell. I will look into your eyes and tell you how I pity you. I pity you becuase even though I am in a jail cell, I have more freedom then you will ever imagine. Freedom in a jail cell, how does that work? Freedom is mentally my friend. Free your mind and your horizon will be wider than any mountain ranged to grace this Earth.

This decaying room with the shattered windows and mildew covering the walls, is your society and your metal health. I assure you that I am imperfect and many times I find myself in this same room but I escape every time with a new form of escape. We stride with our business suits and our fancy automobiles and we think we are the luckiest beings to walk on this side of town. Give us a pen and paper and ask us to describe what real love. Give us a pen and paper and ask us to write about the last time we looked up at the sky and saw God's face staring back at us.

We have jailed ourselves and we don't even know it. We have chained ourselves to poverty inside of our minds and we don't know how to escape it. Oh please, oh please set us free. Set us free to enchant our minds with knowledge and be able to understand what "freedom" really is. Others around us do not hold the key to the chains and jail cell, we ourselves do. We hold the key inside of our minds and hearts and without the desire to be free, we will never taste what real freedom is.

The room is collapsing and the dust that was building up in the corner is entering my lungs. The walls are falling and the once beautiful wallpaper is lying across my mouth and suffocating me. The chair's legs break and my back is laid flat across the dirt covered floor. There is laughter roaring in the chaos and it belongs to Society outside the room looking at my demise. The glass from the windows lands on my hands and knees and cuts diagonal lines with blood pouring in every direction.

The destruction is nearly complete. I have lost the battle against myself and the cost in dept is my life. The ruins are on top of me, to my sides, and in every space of the room I once was a resident of. I open my eyes and I see blackness. I move my hands from side to side wiping the debris off my body. I emerge from the result of seventeen years of battle with myself and the guidelines of society. I stand. I look around and all i see is grey skies and strings of attached my shoulders. I am a puppet of the 21st century. I move towards the door and began to notice my elegant stride. I pick up a black leathered brief case and hold in in my right hand (dominant now instead of my oddly left hand before). I turn the door knob, make a left and begin walking.

I look around me and all I see is other attractively dressed men and women. Oddly each one looks like me, or do I look like them? I accepted the invitiatons from the the decaying room that was merely a simple projection of the human race. Instead of escaping the thin walls and becoming a freedom minded individual with my own set of guidelines and standards, I left everything up for materialism to decide.

I am carbon.
I am a copy.
I am a carbon copy.

I am a carbon copy of everything I was against. I am a carbon copy of everything society told me was right but in reality, was morally wrong. I am a carbon copy of the human race's death wish created by man and destroyed by man with his bare hands.

I am a carbon copy.
I am a copy.
I am carbon.

Repeat. Repeat. March the streets of Materialism and Corruption.

Will you become a carbon copy? Will you escape your own decaying room filled with taunts of self-assured freedoms that can not truly defined by anyone but yourself?

Step forth and state your worth. Now prove your worth with your determination to realize that you are creating your own destiny and humanity is easily becoming the enemy.

Save your mind from the rusted chains bought at a local meat market that is easily wrapped around your conscious.


Repeat and repent.